Taking today off from physical activity afforded me a lot of time to reflect not only on yesterday’s lousy display of athleticism, but also my equally atrocious attitude.  Two things were consistently pointed out to me by several well-intentioned people- 1) that completing a 20-mile run was something of which to be proud, and 2) that I am very hard on myself.  In theory,  I don’t disagree with the veracity of either of these statements.  But in reality, I am embarrassed and frustrated by my lack of ability to execute this run in the manner for which I’ve been diligently training.  Bottom line- I’ve been working really hard and expected to be better prepared for what lies ahead in exactly 3 weeks, than I actually am.

I happened upon this chart, several days pre 20-miler, in the October 2013 issue of Runner’s World.  I had a sneaking suspicion I’d slipped in to the final category, and yesterday’s run only further confirms this fact.  Apparently, “my fitness has flatlined/declined over the course of  the season.”  My exasperation and unhappiness with this stems not from any doubt that I will complete this marathon (I know I will finish) , but that I foolishly believed I had become stronger than I truly am and could potentially achieve a previously out of reach PR.

One doesn’t go through 42 years of living without understanding that life is full of disappointments.  But when we are very determined, at times we are somehow able to turn these same misfortunes in to triumphs.  I do believe I’ve found my “scaled back” goal.