“Marathon preparation, except in a few rare cases, is an egocentric endeavor. I’m not training to represent my country, to raise money for a charitable cause, or in anyone’s memory. My reason for doing this is completely selfish-I want run a marathon because I can, because I have something to prove to myself, because it makes me feel good… me, me, me! Someone I admire said that in her experience, there are two kinds of people that run marathons- 1) those with natural astounding athletic ability and 2) those with a tenacious spirit who have overcome personal hardship. These are not easy concepts to explain to my children who have been shielded from trauma and sorrow all of their lives. Each time I choose training over time with my family, I feel unparalleled guilt. But when I struggle, persevere and come out on the other side- I’m reminded of how doing these things makes me who I am, the woman they love. ” SEEVJBRUN Week 2 Day 5
Lately I’ve been reading a lot more than I’ve been writing, visiting other blogs with greater frequency than I’m posting, hitting the gym much more often than I’m running. While I intellectually know that shifts in all sorts of behaviors are as natural for human beings as changes in the Bay Area weather, I can’t help but feel like failure when I look back at previous posts and see how (mostly) dedicated and diligent I so recently was in both running and writing. I vacillate between comforting myself with evidence that I am not alone in this tendency-
“Consistency is not really a human trait.” Harold and Maude
– and reminding myself that people (myself included) can rationalize their way out of any kind of personal responsibility for an undesirable behavior pattern. Luckily, I’m self-aware enough to know that when such apathy sets in for more than a few days; I’d best get out of both my head and my own way.
I do stuff for other people all of the time (I’m a mother of two after all) but when I was offered the opportunity to be a coach for a new chapter of Girls on the Run at my daughter’s elementary school, I jumped at the chance. OK, so when faced with the prospect of volunteering even more hours of my precious time, I might have actually had to twist my own belligerent arm a little – but fortunately I can be very persuasive. For those of you who do not know, Girls on the Run is a national organization which hosts a 12-week curriculum that “weaves training for a 5k run with lessons that empower girls to celebrate their bodies, honor their voices and embrace their gifts.” I won’t be training for my country/in anyone’s memory or raising a dime, but I will be sharing my time and love of running with a diverse group of 3rd, 4th and 5th grade girls for 75 minutes twice a week.
A couple of weeks ago, I forewent my Sunday long run (another disturbing trend as of late) to trek in to San Francisco for a coaches’ training. Although I felt slightly guilty about failing to reroute my missing miles to Saturday, I arrived at The Women’s Building bursting with self-satisfication and philanthropy. However, once the training began and people began to speak, I realized I was nowhere near the biggest humanitarian in the room. I had assumed that the bulk of the coaches would be women like me- not only mothers, but mothers of girls and not only mothers of girls, but mothers of 3rd, 4th and 5th grade girls. Let’s just say that I wasn’t exactly right in this assumption (because I have an extremely difficult time admitting when I’m wrong incorrect). Present at this training for 5 Bay Area counties, all but 1 of the coaches were in fact, women. Of these women, most were not mothers. Of those who were mothers, most were not mothers of 3rd, 4th and 5th grade girls, or girls of any age. I was quickly floored by the realization that the majority of these volunteers had no vested interest (i.e. an 11-year-old daughter) in the demographic they were so selflessly willing to serve. It seems that over the next 12 weeks, I may be the one with the most to learn.
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SEE VJB RUN 